Welcome to my 3 part Raw Beginnings of Motherhood series. Today is pregnancy. Labor and postpartum will come later.
This series is gonna be pretty TMI, so you sensitive folks should probably just scroll on by. In all honesty, though, if you have ever been pregnant, this probably won't phase you.
Now, lets be real for a moment, while pregnancy is quite possibly the nastiest thing, like, ever, it has its perks.
After suffering several losses and many many months of negative tests, this pregnancy has been a huge blessing. We rejoice in our little rainbow daily, and I am so excited to meet her in the next 4 weeks. What my body is doing (and finally doing right!) is beautiful beyond compare. It's a miracle that this baby en exists in my womb, and I am amazed still at what a woman's body can do.
But it's still pretty freaking gross.
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| Like....ew. |
I asked my fellow due-in-October mommies what they felt was the nastiest part of pregnancy just for this series, and they did not disappoint. While I cannot possibly include every single suggestion, I will include the top 5 in detail and we do have some honorable mentions as well.
Among some of the lesser voted for symptoms, we had:
- Neverending farts
- The massive bush from being unable to shave your lady bits
- Leaky Boobs
- Recurring UTIs and
- Recurring yeast infections
Nasty, right? And that's not even the top 5!
So let's get started, shall we?
5) Peeing Your Pants
Um, yes. You read that correctly. You won't have your period,but you can expect to still be wearing pads while you are pregnant, particularly in the last trimester, because you will be yourself.
Gotta sneeze? You're gonna pee.
Cough? Pee.
Your best friend told you the best joke everrr? Yeah, you're gonna pee.
Don't even lean too far forward or you'll push baby's face into your bladder and pee.
Just today I peed a little trying to get out of the car after church. I'm 36 weeks pregnant. No shame.
It's a constant thing. There is no way to stop it. There aren't even Kegels in the world for this monster. Just slap a pad in your chonies and surrender because You. Will. Not. Win.
4) Hair, Hair Everywhere...
No, I'm not exaggerating. Everywhere.
My belly is fuzzy. Not like peach fuzz, like actual hair growing on my belly. My boobs are now sprouting so much hair, I wouldn't be surprised if my daughter has a hairball in her first few days of life.
I also have facial hair. Now, I already struggled with that before because of my PCOS, but now it's just a losing battle. I have a little beard and mustache that just won't quit.
The hair you already have grows in thicker. Which is freakin' great on top of your head. Not so great for those eyebrows you pluck, the legs you shave, or the arm hair that starts creeping up along the backs of your hands.
Don't forget knuckles and toes! Them suckers is hairy, too!
Dude, seriously, pregnant women are like werewolves, I swear.
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| And we are just about that cranky, too. |
What can a woman do about all of that hair?
Well, sadly, you can't prevent it from coming. You just can't.
Your follicles will turn on you and you are helpless to stop it.
However, you can get rid of what is there.
Absolutely NO bleaches or chemical depilatories (think like Nair and other creams like it). You also cannot do any permanent hair removal during pregnancy like lasers and such.
You can shave and wax. That's perfectly safe.
Downside? Waxing already hurts and it hurts a lot worse when you are pregnant because you nerves are extra sensitive with all of the increased blood flow. Bummer.
But hey, if you wanna be a friggin' beast and wax it all, then be my guest. More power to you, ya tough cookie.
The downside to shaving is that you will eventually reach a point where you absolutely cannot reach certain areas. My legs got their last shave last week. I pretty much can only manage my eyebrows, face, and pits at this point. My hubby handles everything below the belly.
I know, I know. I'm such a lucky girl.
3) Hemorrhoids
Okay, first off, what the hell is a hemorrhoid?
Hell.
Okay, but no really. they suck. A hemorrhoid is basically just a swollen vein in the rectum. It really doesn't sound that bad.
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| I mean, that little sucker looks harmless, right? |
However, when combine with the other common pregnancy symptom of constipation (which is often the case), they are just an absolute nightmare.
Think like, sitting on the toilet, desperately wishing you just poo already because your stomach hurts and then it comes and with it comes tears, shaking uncontrollably, blood, itch, and extreme debilitating pain. I mean, it hurts so bad, you can't even wipe, you have to go rinse your bum off in the shower. And now repeat this every 2-3 days. Every single day if you aren't already constipated.
Why do pregnant ladies get hemorrhoids? Well, it's a combination of things. First...everything is swollen anyways with all of that extra blood pumping through her body. Swollen feet and ankles, swollen labia...swollen butt veins are just the icing on the cake.
Then add in all of the pressure from baby. Especially if you sit a lot during the day. That's pressure from two ways. Pressure on an already inflamed area? Yeah, that's not a good combo.
Unfortunately, hemorrhoids are not easy to fix, either, but you do have a few options.
For you crunchy folk, witch hazel, applied to a pad and stuffed in your crack can be quite soothing, and may even help the swelling a bit. Add some geranium oil, too, and you really have a winning combo for soothing your sore bum.
A huge part of helping the healing is making sure you are not constipated and that the poos coming out are nice and soft. I am currently sucking down a green smoothie for this very reason. I swear by the Apple N Greens smoothie from Jamba Juice. It's like magic. But anything will do. Lots of fiber, at least half of your body weight in ounces of water, prunes juice, and stay on top of your Probio5 and BioCleanse. If crunchy ain't your thing, get some OTC stool softener, Just make sure you check with your healthcare provider to make sure it is safe for pregnancy. No laxatives.
Finally, to help ease the swelling, I like to take an Epsom salt bath. I had one last night and it helped me out a bunch. Fill the tub with warm water. Mix up 2 cups of Epsom salts with 5 drops each of Cypress, Geranium, and Peppermint oils. All the salts to the tub and mix well, then soak for 20-30 minutes. Cypress helps constrict blood vessels, Peppermint and the salts both help to reduce inflammation, and Geranium is soothing.
2) Excessive Discharge
Oh. My. Gosh.
This one here is another reason you need to wear a pad every single day. I'm not exaggerating. I went to L&D no less than four times with my first, thinking that my water had broken. It never did, that's just how much discharge a pregnant woman can have. Like a constant flow.
In fact, with my third, I thought my water hadn't broken when it actually had! I had assumed it was just more of that nasty stuff.
I mean, it does serve a purpose. It helps to keep the canal clear of any infections. But still....ewwww.
Oh, and this is yet another symptom that you can do absolutely nothing about. Yippee!!
3) Acid Reflux
Okay, this one won by a long shot, and it's no surprise why. Unless you have dealt with acid reflux firsthand, you can't fully understand how it is more than just uncomfortable and heads into gross territory.
Loads of pregos deal with reflux. The hormone Relaxin is getting the body ready for labor. It is loosening up all of the joints and stretching and spreading everything apart so that there is room for baby to come through the birth canal.
However, it doesn't work on just the birth canal. It spreads and relaxes everything, everywhere. This includes the sphincter that can be found between your esophagus and stomach. So, now it's relaxed and opened up, and stomach acid can now creep its way up the esophagus and burn the every living hell out of the poor prego.
It doesn't just burn, it can cause you to cough. A lot.
Cough and cough and cough....and all of that coughing just forces the stomach acid up farther and farther until...you spit up. Like a flippin' baby. Yeah, you read that right.
There is nothing sexier than making out with your hubby, having a coughing fit ensue, and then vomiting right there. Obviously, I kid. It's not sexy. It's disgusting and a total mood killer.
You can't stop the acid reflux, but there is something you can do to minimize the burning. I am a fan of eating a banana. I was skeptical at first, but it does indeed help. Just munch on a banana when the burning strikes and it should help kill the acidity. Gestational diabetes limiting your banana intake? You can pop a couple Tums and have the same effect. Just make you your doctor okays it first!
So, yes, pregnancy is disgusting. It truly is.
But you know, to get through the gross, you just gotta maintain a sense of humor, remember you are not alone, and focus on the amazing thing your body is doing. Because as nasty as it is, pregnancy is also pretty damn beautiful.
Is there anything you would add to the list? What was the grossest part of your pregnancy?
Until next time, Misfits!
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