Why Moms Take Bubble Baths

I feel like a freaking mermaid, dude.

I'm sitting in blue water, and no it didn't come from my toilet. I just used a bath bomb and it turned my water blue and now I feel like a mermaid.

Except mermaid probably don't drink and swim and I got me some wine.

And I'm totally at peace with said wine and tub, so I am blogging. Cause the whole world needs to know...

Or "Why Moms Take Bubble Baths."

Well, moms take bubble baths because we have in laws that stress us out. And by "stress us out" I mean "drive us to drink."

Moms take baths because we heard the word "mom" 752 times today.

We take baths because our daughters tell our elderly neighbors that their penis is hanging out of their pants....when it's not....Just because they want an excuse to say "penis" because they are a little jelly that they don't have one.

We take baths because we gave 4 hair ruffles, 26 hugs, 12 high fives, and 6,287 kisses today and we are All. Touched. Out.

We take baths because our babies are teething molars and nursing around the clock and this is the first time they have slept for more than 10 minutes in the last two days

We take baths because we didn't get dinner on the table until 7.30 and we need a place to hide from the guilt.

We take baths because we stress-drank a Mountain Dew at 3'o'clock this afternoon and are sorely regretting it.

We take baths because our husbands are stressed out about the same in laws we are stressed out about and we hate seeing them so upset.

We take baths because our muscles hurt from all of the cleaning and the lifting of tiny humans.

We take baths because our children ran away from home and were brought back by police at 5am. And then again at 3am, two months later, after we installed very high up locks and alarms, so now we have to go buy even MORE locks and now our house feels like a prison and said cops threatened to call CPS. Yeah. That really happened.

They found the key, climbed a stool, unlocked it and disabled the alarm, little sneaks.

We take baths because our sons have smart mouths and have somehow managed to perfect a teenage attitude at just six years of age.

We take baths because we need a quiet place to think (and blog 😉).

We take baths because our husbands work graveyard, so we are sleeping alone. Again. Because the baby that spits up all over you all night long every night doesn't count.

We take baths because the bubbles cover up our mommy apron and make us feel like we did when we were sixteen.

We take baths because no one questions a glass of wine in the tub. Whereas a glass of wine when you're watching Netflix. In bed. By yourself. On a Monday night may raise some eyebrows.

We take baths because they make us feel like mermaids.

We take baths because behind a shower curtain is a great place to hide. Seriously, they never look there.

We take baths because candles rock and candles that are just for you are even better.

But most of all, we take baths just because we can, dammit.

So the next time your life is freaking crazy as all get out and you just wanna shoot something. Pour a glass of vino, light a couple candles, grab a book or Netflix, and take a bath, mama. You totally deserve it.