My parents did it, and I turned out fine...

Can we all just agree that that is the worst line ever?

I mean really...my grandparents rode in the front seat of the car with no seatbelts or carseats...And they turned out fine. So why can't I do it?

I mean, really, that's what it sounds like to me when people use that line!

And it is used often! For anything from spankings and fast food to unrestricted screen time and starting solid foods.

It. Drives. Me. Nuts.

If you truly did turn out "fine" then you are lucky because the rest of us are getting worse.

Overall mental wellbeing has been steadily declining in America's youth for over 80 years.

Yes. Since the 1930s, our teens and young adults have been growing more depressed and more anxious.

In fact, from 2005 to 2014, the percentage of teens who claimed to have suffered major depression rose from 8.7% to 11.3% according to a study.
One in ELEVEN teens has a depressive episode each year.

Mentally ill teens become mentally ill adults and I am sitting here wondering what part of this is "fine."

Someone once told me they were spa ked as a child and they, and their siblings, all turned out fine. All of the children in this family grew into very anxious and/or depressed adults, to the point of needing medication and one wound up in jail.

That is NOT "fine."

We are not fine. Society as a whole is sick. Very sick. And we are getting sicker.

Between 2001 and 2009, instances of Type 1 diabetes increased by 23%. Celiac disease is on the rise and is now affe ting 1 in 133 people in the good ol' USA. Autoimmune disease are taking us over and the CDC has said they have no idea why!


So please, stop saying you are fine. Chances are, you are not "fine."


Heart disease, mental illness, autoimmune disorders, obesity, etc. It's everywhere and It's getting worse.

I'm not content to sit back and watch my kids suffer the same challenges I have. What we are doing, as a society, is not working.

So, I'm trying something different.

I buy my dirty dozen organic. I get my meat without hormones. I drink my milk raw and I avoid sugar like the plague.

I explain my reasons to my children. I try my damnedest to use a gentle voice and listen to their side of things. I struggle, but I wake up every morning with a plan to not spank them.

I limit their screen time to a max of 30 minutes a day and I preview every single thing they see.

I once handmade all of our soaps and cleaners...I still do some, but I must admit, I've gotten lazy.

I baby wear, cosleep, and breastfeed.

I don't care how many people turned out "fine."
More and more of us aren't. And that's reason enough for me to do something different.

Misfit mommies, unite! 👊

Apologizing is Overrated

So, I have kids. Obviously. And these kids fight. A lot.
Well, today, we had one of those fights. Aedyn was on Zachary's bed and he wanted her off. So, he shoved her off.
Don't worry, she caught herself...

...with her face.

I hear screaming and rush into their room to see her there with a bloody nose and him sitting in the corner looking simultaneous smug and guilty...an expression he has perfected.

So, after the bleeding stopped, he comes out and sits next to her and says, "I am going to draw you a picture so you know I am sorry and it will be all better."

I turned to him with an expression of pure bewilderment. Apparently I had some parenting to do.

Apologizing does not make things all better. Saying that you are sorry does not heal wounds, physical or emotional. It just doesn't, and to think that it does is just foolish and immature.

Now, Zachary is only six, so he is allowed to have moments of foolishness and immaturity....and those are the moments we parents need to step up and teach.

I find that kids, mine at least, respond well to visual aids. So, let me introduce you to my method.

I take a perfectly smooth and white piece of printer paper and show it to them.

This paper is a brand new baby. Flawless. Perfect. Undamaged.

Now, this baby grows into a child and then an adult and over the years they get told some mean words. They get called stupid and lazy and selfish.

So now those words have damaged this flawless human being. Look at those ugly words.
Now, let's say those people who said those things apologize for saying them. They try to erase them, if you will.

Did erasing work? No, of course not. It may have lessened the sting a little bit, but those words are forever engrained on this person's heart, faded, but definitely there and those words will sneak up on them in their moments of weakness.


Not. Cool.


Now, over the years, they were also pushed and kicked and hit by others. Let's say there was a bully in school and they got into a few tussle with their brother as well.

Ouch. That looks like it hurts.

Well, the bully finds them on Facebook and sends them an apology to assuage their guilt and they are now the best of friends with their brother. So, let's smooth that paper back out.

Oh no...it isn't as smooth as it was before. Let's try even harder to flatten it back out.

Nope...not happening. This paper is never going to be the same as it was before. Just look at the difference here.

Saying sorry doesn't make it all better.

It. Just. Doesn't.

Forgiveness can heal a lot of things, but that hasn't worked it's way into the paper model, yet. I'm working on it.

So, please...stop teaching your kids that apologies fix everything. It's unrealistic. They are a necessary part of healing that relationship, but they definitely do not make everything all better.

How about instead, we take the time to teach our kiddos that being mean is never okay and that we ought to love our neighbors?
That sounds much better to me.

What do you think of the paper model? How would you work forgiveness into it?